That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
