I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
