doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
