I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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