Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
