I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
