Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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