There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize