Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
