Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
