I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
