The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
