I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so let's talk penis.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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