wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
