I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize