He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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