Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
