i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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