So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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