So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
