I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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