one might say we're banned from that church
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
