gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
