I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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