i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize