No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
