Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
