I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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