My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
