i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my sisters under your porch take her home
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
