I am puke
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my being single is dangerous.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
