Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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