She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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