there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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