Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
