what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
