so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
