There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize