What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My feet surprised me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
