I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i believe in u and ur pee
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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