I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
