and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
