hotel room ftw
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
