rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
