can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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