I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize