the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
