she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
