What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
how does that bad decision feel?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
