i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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