i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
