i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
