She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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