R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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