Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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