My underwear smells like fireworks.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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