I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
