you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
