I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
