Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
