My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
