Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize