Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
