he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
