I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
