Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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