scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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