That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
