He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
