i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
