i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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