I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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