the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
