Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.

Fav 40 6358 814
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(585): View more from New York

WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET

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(972): View more from Texas

Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.

Fav 16 7091 1018
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(757): View more from Virginia

It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.

Fav 9 6330 1503
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(440): View more from Ohio

i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.

Fav 15 1457 3179
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(407): View more from Florida

I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now

Fav 4 480 855
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(765): View more from Indiana

Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is

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