I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
