you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't deserve a penis
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
