She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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