TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
