sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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