someone get that fucking seahorse.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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