she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
