FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
