seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
