You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
