I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
