she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize