Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize