I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
