It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize