oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
