it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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