when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize