the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
