Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
