Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
