Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
