She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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