he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
