"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
