12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
