I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
