how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
