great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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